It goes to show the cultural impact of Michael Jordan and his shoes when people are making cakes…

Good Morning Forbes Avenue.

I can’t even talk on this one. Just watch. (via YesButNoButYes)

Remember how traumatized you were when they replaced Aunt Viv on The Fresh Prince with a different actress?  New Aunt Viv was lighter and brighter, but a thousand times less funny.  And everything she did just reminded you of how much better Old Aunt Viv was.  Case in point, I dare New Aunt Viv to do that episode about turning 40 and auditioning at the dance studio.  Forget it.

Kara’s the same way.  She’s younger and prettier than Paula, and I understand why the change was made.  But every time she tries to do some cute banter with Simon, it’s gonna feel manufactured.  Everything she does is gonna reek of effort.  Paula always looked like she showed up five minutes before taping, took two sips from the magic Coke cup, and was like whatever happens happens.  Like, Paula consistently had no idea what she’d be doing ten seconds in the future– she might be critiquing a kid, crying on his shoulder, or getting his number.  Kara, on the other hand, was always ten seconds ahead and well rehearsed.  That might help the Fox execs breathe easier, but it makes for really boring television.

I wanted to like Kara, I really did.  I oohed and smiled when she got mad and went up against Bikini Girl.  But when the cameras went live, her commentary was just… meh, not insightful.  Paula was loopy too, but every now and then she would drop a bomb on someone.  Like, a “What I’m about to say will change your life and your entire perspective on music, but you must first be willing to decipher it through slurred speech and garbled sentences like you’re reading Matrix code” bomb.  Paula had the authority of having been an actual American idol.  When she told you to wax the car, you knew you better put that guitar down and wax the car.

It’s hard to replace a dynamic like that, especially with someone like Kara, a pop singer who didn’t make it.  Even through her cheerful demeanor, there’s something depressing about it.  She’s seen the business end of the industry and it told her she wasn’t good enough.  You can’t help but wonder if there’s a hint of envy in her critiques of contestants, if she doesn’t still think about being on the other side of the table.  You can’t help but wonder how many Bikini Girls– prettier, less talented, and less inhibited– she watched get deals ahead of her.  You can’t help but notice that even as a judge, she seems conspicuously aware that she’s being judged.  Whatever heart Paula brought to the show has been replaced by Kara’s thinly-veiled industry cynicism.  Placed next to Simon’s ice-cold pragmatism, it might be too much.

But Idol goes on.  Maybe it’ll go the route of Fresh Prince.  Maybe with Old Aunt Viv gone, everyone else will be forced to step up their game and crank out some fantastic television.  Remember the episode when Will’s father came back?  Or when Uncle Phil sued Will and Carlton for rent money?  Or when Will got shot?  All those happened under the New Aunt Viv regime.  If they could make it work, maybe Idol can too.

Or maybe it’ll be like Saved by the Bell: The College Years.  Either way, I’ll still watch.

Zac Efron is my hero.

Trust me, I never, never, EVER thought I’d write those words.  But when I sit down and think about it…its true.  He quite possibly is my favorite person on the face of the earth.

Why?

He dates Vannesa Anne Hudgens. She looks good.  She’s like 21 now, I think? So hopefully this guy won’t show up when I say that.  Two years ago, she decided to take, ahem…”risque” pictures of herself, for Efron.  Of course, they ended up on the internet.  The Disney PR headache ensued, due to the fact that Hudgens was in the process of filming the High School Musical movies (apparently Disney isn’t down with the young starlets being naked…who knew?).  Of course for Hudgens, the move did nothing but create a slew of publicity and got her a deal with Mark Ecko and his Ecko brand.  That brought us commercials like this.

I don’t know how Mark Ecko is still able to sell clothes either…cause that sucked…Hudgens also signed a contract with Neutrogena after the nude picture scandal, which really made me start to wonder why more actresses don’t do nude photo shoots when they’re trying to leave Disney; they get publicity, get out of the Disney spotlight and apparently get new deals.  Hard to beat that.  All of this is being said to get to this point…

Vanessa Anne Hudgens took naked pictures again.

That’s right, Vanessa Anne Hudgens is naked. Again. on a camera phone. Maybe Ecko Red sales are down, or maybe the Neutrogena Scrub Brush thingy isn’t selling as good as they want?  Maybe she wanted to make sure that Disney didn’t even bother calling her for High School Musical 4? Or maybe she has Zac Efron as her boyfriend and she’s doggedly determined to make him happy (couldn’t she just make him some pie?).  Did I mention he’s my hero?  Some pictures below. If you want the NSFW pictures go somewhere else (hint: try Egotastic)

P.S. I love this post cause now I seem like one of those guys who scowls the internet looking for naked celebrities.  I’d like to think that naked celebrities just come looking for me.  I mean, when its plastered on the front of any celebrity entertainment site I go to…its like a sexy dare…right?

Update: Apparently the pictures are old. and she may have been under 18 when they were taken…I can already see Chris Hansen setting up a sting operation in his head.

pics via wwtdd.com

P.S. apparently thumbnails hate me. click on the box and the picture is there though.

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So you know how there’s all this chatter about the health care debate and you have no idea what anyone is talking about?

Curious which proposal will actually cover the 50 milllion uninsured? Which one will give White Republican men heart attacks by raising taxes? Which one might actually improve the health care you already got?

Right. Me too.

Well the Kaiser Family Foundation has created a new tool on its website that allows you to compare what the various health care proposals would actually do.

Word of warning – it’s still written in slight jargon.

Enjoy!

Compare Health Care Proposals.

If you are like me, you pray daily that you never have to see Heidi Montag (Pratt) or Spencer Pratt, infamously dubbed Speidi, again for the rest of your life.  I thought I had a chance; I don’t watch the Hills, but was I ever wrong.  First came the stories about their alleged marriage and later came the disaster that was I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. I have had more than enough of both of them to last three lifetimes.

But now I, and you , will have to endure even more or Heidi.  In very Paris-Hilton-like fashion, Heidi is set to release a solo album, Independent (or Unleashed, based on who you talk to) ,  in September of this year.  To make matters worse, she is scheduled to perform her first single Turn Ya Head at the Ms. Universe Pageant.  Seriously, we have to hear her sing now too? People who are famous for doing nothing should stick to doing what they know best.

Okay…when the heck did Sisqo get muscles?

(via DC Sports Bog) And no, its not Sisqo, its Clinton Portis of the Washington Redskins.

I’m not a reality show fan.  And in the spirit of full disclosure, the most recent season of “Making the Band 4″ with Bizarro Qwanell and Cry-Baby Robert sucked me in.  Yes, as I type this, my head hangs in shame.  It’s okay if you don’t take anything that follows seriously.  Just had to be honest.

So knowing that I’m not a fan of reality television, you can imagine how upset I was when three things crossed my radar in a short span of time.

1. En Vogue wants to do a reality show chronicling the recording of their new album with the original four girls;
2. Tameka “Tiny” Cottle is in a reality show with some chick who was married to Lil Wayne; and
3. Kandi Burruss has joined the cast of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” – despite not being a housewife and actually, you know, having a career.

En Vogue on the cover of March 16, 2009 issue of Jet magazine

Let’s just be clear.  We are talking about 6 women who are members of the twin pillars of post-70s black female group singing — En Vogue and Xscape.

These women are so synonymous with a kind of vocal group singing – one in which all members can really sing and really sing lead – that there haven’t been any female groups like them to emerge in their wake.  It would seem other girl groups have just ceded that lane to En Vogue and Xscape and followed the Supremes model.

I go back and forth about whether or not that’s a good thing.  To that point, it’s been said that Kurt Cobain and Nirvana were great, but the genre they spawned?  Not so much.

So knowing all that, I ask you:

Why are these peerless artists squandering their talents on reality TV?

There’s something oddly fascinating about the way reality television has evolved over the last decade.  It has gone from turning nobodies into somebodies to taking genuinely talented, creative individuals and destroying any ability for the average consumer to take them seriously.

Tameka "Tiny" Cottle

I caught a few minutes of “Tiny and Toya” at a friend’s house and watching Tiny, who is clearly a sad sad individual, was depressing.  She’s clearly stifled in her relationship with T.I. and seems to wander about Atlanta aimlessly. 

I was watching her in the studio with her daughter wondering if people watching the show had any idea that they were watching a true talent (crazy accent and hair be damned). 

Tiny is the woman who, arguably, had the strongest voice in Xscape:

I haven’t bothered to watch “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” and the En Vogue show is more or less just an idea in crazy-ass (but so beautiful) Dawn’s head.

But I wonder if the industry pendulum has swung so far in the direction of style over substance that there is no way that any genuine artists can start (or re-start, as the case may be) a career.  We are living in the post-consolidation, post-download era where what the industry will sell is even more narrow than it was in the past. 

There is no black radio.

There are no boutique labels.

There are no more A&R men.

There is not even the pretense that any artist that comes out is anything more than what he/she appears to be.  I mean, Amerie, Ashanti, Ryan Leslie, and T-Pain are defined by their inability to sing.

Kandi Burruss

Where do artists like Kandi, Tiny and En Vogue fit in this world?  Do 13 year olds even know what notes and melodies are?  Or to be less of an old fogie, do they care?  Could they listen to a song these women will likely release in the next year and see any value in it?

What good is it that technology democratizes the consumption of music if the industry is socializing away any ability for a consumer to broaden his/her understanding of what can be consumed?

Mediocre rapper/actor Drake has a bad knee.  He tore his ACL a while ago and his doctor told him in no uncertain terms to stay off of it, not to perform for a few months.  Rather than listen to said medical professional, Drake decided on Saturday not only to perform anyway, but to skip across the stage like he was off to see the wizard.  Here’s the result:

Hours later, the Internet reminded you why you love it so much.  Not only was the video up on YouTube, but someone created a Twitter page called DrakesKnee.  It’s Drake’s injured knee rapping about some real knee talk– like how it is to grow up on the streets without an ACL.  It has close to 5,000 followers.  Here’s a few status update gems:

drizzy dragon breathin fire / take me to the wire i’mma show u true desire / too bad I didnt look down to see that speaker wire

haters…never see the end of me / just don’t play that Boyz II Men …. On Bended Knee / now go #drakesknee and lets get to trendin’ me

drizzy fall off? did louis armstrong put the trumpet down? / callin gramma so she can order me a hover-round

Anybody else mad Drake’s knee is a better rapper than he is?

So…who needs a new sofa?

Good Morning Forbes Avenue.